“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, just try missing a couple of payments.

It’s useless to hold a person to anything they say when they are in love, drunk, or running for office.

My life is all math. I am trying to add to my income, subtract from my weight, divide my time, and avoid multiplying.

I’m gonna go take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it.

Etc. – End of Thinking Capacity.